my haaiiirrr
0
Everyone asks me if I’m excited for my mom’s wedding on sunday. I never know what to say. What I want to say is: “No. Hell no. It was just her and I for 10 years in this house. Then she strung my dad along for 3 years after that while they dated. Then they broke up and I saw my dad cry for the first time in my life. Try seeing that while trying your hardest to keep it together. My mom promised me nothing would change, my dad could still go to family get togethers with my mom’s family. Then a month later my mom meets this guy. His dogs move in a month after that. He moves in about 3 months after that. Then not even a year later they’re engaged. Then 6 months after that they’re getting married. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice guy. Under any other circumstances I would be happy for them. But they could have waited. My mom knew how uncomfortable and new this was for me. How it actually hurt me. My dad doesn’t go to family things at my moms. It makes him and I uncomfortable. When my dad drops me off at my mom’s he talks to her Fiancee and they get along fine, there’s no tension. But she dragged my dad along for 3 years and then decided to end it. She got engaged to this guy in less than a year. I get that when you’re in love it’s different. But she couldn’t have waited? I move out in a little over 2 years. And when her and my dad got married she hyphenated her last name. She’s completely changing it for this guy. This guy she’s only known a year and a half. This guy who I barely know, who she barely knows. I’m trying to be happy for her, I truly am. But I’m not happy. It’s hard, harder than you can imagine. Having everyone non-stop talk about it. Having to staying strong even though it kills me. I don’t know why I’m so sad about it, I honestly shouldn’t be. Maybe it’s because my life completely changes and I have no control over it? Maybe it’s because I feel terrible for my dad? or maybe because I’m pissed at her for everything? No one understands that it hurts me too. So no, i’m not excited. If anything, I’m dreading it. But I would never tell her that. As far as she knows, I’m neutral. Forever neutral.” Instead of saying all of that, and telling people how i really feel i just say: “wellllll, i don’t know.. it’s… interesting…” then i give that shy little smile and they chuckle and move on. Not realizing that they basically just squirted lemon juice on a paper cut.
0Listening to sad songs. Not sure why I’m in this mood but I think it’s your fault. You drag me along and then just let go. It got to the point where I convinced myself I didn’t like you anymore and even moved on to someone else. Now I don’t know. I still like you. A lot. A whole hell of a lot. But you will NEVER like me back. It’s just not possible. And that’s what kills me. I listen to all these different songs that, together, describe my exact situation. You drive me crazy with your mixed signals and your flirty-to-forgetful bipolar behavior. I love you. I honestly do. It sucks to actually admit it. I feel like an idiot. Typing this. Letting everyone know. I have friends who follow me on Tumblr, and friends that read it. But getting it out also makes me feel good. I’m sick of being played and strung along by you when you’re bored and have nothing better to do. I deserve someone like you, but better. I deserve the better version of you. And I need to find them soon because I’m falling far too hard for you.
0
i durrnaaw y i tilt muhh head 2 da siiide buhht i deww
ps SETH MEYERS IS HOT
& i’m weiiird buh byyeee
0
“ Nowadays, the definition of “Virgin” is an ugly 3rd grader. ”
My Grandma, ladies and gentlemen.
Such wise words.
0